So I am new to PNN

Hello and welcome to my page on the PNN network, I am very excited about interacting with all of you. I have been blogging for 3 years and have a regular blog that I promote elsewhere. I have gained readers through my blog and really have enjoyed getting to know the people who take time to read what I have to say, but I am interested in interacting with WOMEN, initially who was my main audience. Once the blog became more public, I begin to have a large male following, which I love, but I want to connect with the main reason I began blogging to begin with, my female audience.

Thank you for taking the time in reading my thoughts, rants, and funny stories that I have grown to enjoy writing about. I hope that you will feel the same way I do. I look forward to the PNN network and all of the wonderful things this place can provide. Thank you once again! Regards, Andy.

The REAL Me

“I am dirty chai with a shot of espresso sometimes two, blank pages, abstract canvas, illuminated with color, the smell of earth with a hint of floral spiced incense, walks on the tips of my toes barefooted, and I am the smell of the ocean on a hot summer’s day. I am the gentle friend to a good solider, intensity, wit, honesty, and compassion. I am simply a woman of many things, of many faces. Most of all, my nature is not volatile, I yield to love, story telling, and the happiness in watching him come undone, only to be discovered elsewhere. I am a winter storm, fire, passionate. I wanted you to simply dine at my table, to know the things of my heart, had you not known the possession of my broken heart, I would have never parted ways with you. Though you knew the depths, you have seen the evil, the good, and the promising. I am merely just a woman of many things, with many faces. I am simply a woman….”

Harsh words travel in various mediums these days, but the same thing remains true, once those words have left the mind, traveled out of your head, onto paper, mouth, text, hood of a car, email, Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace its done. Once you do the unthinkable in a time of anger the one thing you CANNOT do is hit the delete button. Those words no longer belong to you, but the have been received to their new owner, where a lot of times does not settle to well.

There was always a hidden, very deep, vengeful element of my anger. Being very quick to become testy and condescending at the drop of a hat, as I got older the importance was not to jump too conclusions quickly. I began to work on my trigger happy temper, the need for a continuous argumentative state was no longer appealing, nor the drama in which was created was missed either. The euphoric frame of mind rested nicely into my new approach and from there I suppose it allowed people to think I was naive, to trusting, gullible, to forgiving and there were those times in my life, where the lessons in my weakness department felt overexposed. I am more open in what people say to me as truth and what they want me to hear, carefully understanding a person very quickly. I am an artist and I am a writer both combined create a very interesting combination in the people I spend my time around.

These days if you are just not a good listener, sociopath, or clearly to stupid too understand the words coming out of my mouth, there is something desperately wrong with you. But before it gets to that point, I am normally to impatient in dealing with the cattiness of the situation and my having a severe allergy to stupid in general, the day sets upon your wrath blinding my view of our days.

This is the darkest side of me, it’s even darker when I am pushed to reveal this mean creature, this year I have done so twice. Once with my ex boyfriend and recently to a new friend I had known only for a short while.

For the most part I will warn you of that level several times, this is not a threat, this is promise. I am warning you, not only am I warning you, I am giving you an ADVANCED warning to not try too pull one over on me. Given all of these warnings, you think some would get it, obviously not and how to catch a liar, if someone will accuse me of something that never happened, you better believe I will stick up for myself. After my explosive temper and vile wrath of low blow word bashing, there is an element of calm. Normally, like most, who argues, will apologize for those dreadful horrible things I called you (for the most part were true at one time or another) seek forgiveness and begin to rationally go over why I got mad.

When this madness occurs, I have been known to blow up a text message. Which like most of my friends have said, I need to stop using it all together. I switched to Twitter for these purposes alone so that I could learn how to SMS a text message. Me+ text messaging + wild flare up mad alter ego, not a good bag. Screw the email, I don’t even want the email anymore, it allows me to stay in one place, when I am mad, I get hyper. Pacing and the shaking of the hands are incorporated.

Truthfully, I really do not recall most of the things that I say during this time, really if it was blasted down, it was thought of at one point or another. I have called people child molesters, douche bags, I even meant it when I told Sam on the way back to New York once I was going to “hit her in the face with her cell phone and close up the other eye. So she could not see at all, if she did not quit freaking out while I was on the phone with her mom and telling me how to drive.” I meant every last word that day that came out of my mouth. It’s apart of the control button, how much behavior I will allow you to get away with, some like to have that test button. I do not live in that manner, if anything I hate antagonistic people. In fact antagonist, are not only the worst kind of cynical people, they actually find happiness in picking fights with other people. Look, don’t cut me off and jump to what you think I am, if you think I am, you obviously do not know me what so ever.  At this point the anger, suspicion, and patience of waiting, allows me to gather all of the crap I have taken. This clearly when so mad and accelerated, which as you now understand, if you had a wall of random angry ball of nasty words sent to you, you would think the person is off their rocker. When two people fight, they only want to see what made them angry, they fail to see what the cause of the anger began with. I have horrible habits my friends hate about me, I wonder off when I have been drinking.

I will make this completely clear to you, if you do not get the satisfaction being told the truth, because mainly when people get caught, they get upset. Clearly, I have established that you are not telling me the truth, yet you are going to get upset with me? Interesting, please continue, as I ripped you a new asshole, try to convince me I need a new one as well. Temper, temper Charlotte, I am very sorry that out of all of these times we had discussions and I explained clearly my behavioral pattern, why I do certain things I do, you obviously did not listen because you did not care. Here comes the series of presented facts......

Getting angry, never solves anything, nor does it allow the person who is lying to you too get away with that sort of behavior. I have found with many men, their lies, especially with my encounters are given by over inflated perceptions of themselves, the thought of more than one person liking them, doing things with them, and having sex creates a better alternative than the nagging girlfriend who appears to stupid too catch you in a lie. Women do it as well, no one by any means is perfect but the process of becoming an adult is to accept responsibility of your behavior and give the effective, proactive, and especially in friendship and relationships alike are healthy due to communication, simple. Honesty and trust are what creates strong friendships even when developing a relationship with a potential significant other.